Advisor Lilith✨

Community story

Submission: I only found out after the breakup that he had already deleted me from his future plans.

Jul 31, 2026

Submission: I'd like to ask everyone to scold me awake. It wasn't until four days after the breakup that I found out he wasn't "wanting to calm down"; he had genuinely deleted me from his future. We'd been together for over two years, and we'd talked countless times about whether to rent an apartment together, move to the same city, and even meet each other's parents next year. But on the day we broke up, he sat across from me, his tone unusually flat, and said he was too tired lately, under a lot of work pressure, and felt that being in a relationship was a burden, so he wanted to take a break. I was actually trying to understand him back then. I'm even wondering if I've been too clingy lately, if I'm being too emotional, if I'm really affecting him. To be honest, I already sensed something was wrong with him in the days leading up to the breakup. He was replying to messages slower and slower, and he was still at the company at 11 pm, saying he was in a meeting with colleagues. Even when I sent him the message, "Do you still want to continue?", he would only reply with two words after three hours: "We'll see." What really broke me was that I later found out that it wasn't simply that he had stopped loving me. He has a female colleague. It wasn't that they were openly together, but they were already abnormally close. They ate together, worked overtime together, shared taxis home together, and even the business trip he promised me to do together ended up being, "She also happens to want to go, so we can check it out." My hands went numb when I saw those chat logs. The most disgusting thing wasn't the explicitness, nor the irrefutable evidence of infidelity, but the kind of closeness where you immediately know you've been relegated to the back of the list. While you're still losing sleep over your future, he's already sharing his daily life, emotions, preferences, and even tacitly accepting that you won't be the person standing next to him in the next phase. This is what I can't stand the most. If he had just told me directly that he liked someone else, I probably wouldn't be as crazy as I am now. But he didn't. He used "work pressure" as an excuse to shut me up, while simultaneously pushing me into that ridiculous internal struggle, making me repeatedly wonder if I wasn't sensible, considerate, or mature enough. I've been acting like a madman these past few days. I wake up suddenly at two or three in the morning and start scrolling through our old chats. When I find him saying, "Let's go to the beach for a few days sometime," I burst into tears and can't breathe. Then the next second, I feel hatred, so much so that I want to smash everything. But the worst part is, I still wonder if, even for a single second, he truly thought about having a future with me. I know many people will say, "So what if he changed his mind? Just break up with him." But when it actually happens to you, the most painful thing isn't the word "breakup," but the realization that all the future plans you carefully made were quietly scrapped by him, and he didn't even bother to tell you. This isn't just a normal breakup; it's like he's withdrawing while making me think it's my own problem. I'm stuck at a very embarrassing point right now. It's not that I don't know I should leave; I just can't swallow this insult. Am I really reluctant to let this person go, or am I simply unable to accept being the last person to find out I've been replaced? If it were you, would you say he had already mentally left the game, or am I just torturing myself because I'm unwilling to accept it?